


I see you

by QueenBoo



Category: The Mighty Boosh RPF
Genre: 5+1 Things, Drabble, Ficlet, M/M, a lot of thoughts and feelings, a study of a relationship, another short piece that came from my genius of a booshwife, noelian - Freeform, not hugely shippy unless you squint, two boys who are in love but don't cope with it very well, very minor angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26586433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenBoo/pseuds/QueenBoo
Summary: 5 ways people see Noel and Julian, and the 1 way they actually are.
Relationships: Julian Barratt/Julia Davis, Julian Barratt/Noel Fielding, Lliana Bird/Noel Fielding
Comments: 13
Kudos: 15





	I see you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [silentOrator](https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentOrator/gifts).



> For Mary, this idea came from you and I promised you I'd write it. I hope you enjoy my lovely booshwife <3 
> 
> Obviously I do not know if the thoughts and feelings I am presenting are 100% accurate and am no way insinuating as such. But you know, fic writers liberties ;)

**Dave**

Dave is there at the beginning. The conception of the partnership. He's not exactly at the centre of the big bang but he's close enough to get swept up in the world that was created from it.

Everyone knows it, too. The tale of their meeting is distributed freely any chance Noel is offered to tell it; he thrives on reliving that special moment. It often reminds Dave of a couple being asked how they met the way he launches into storyteller mode. Sparkly-eyed and soft around the edges; shy but forthcoming all at once. Knowing what he's talking about is private but wanting desperately to have the rest of the world share in his joy anyway. Does he perhaps forget to mention that the night out in question had been Dave's idea in the first place? Or that it had in fact been Dave and Nige who had seen Julian's work first and _insisted_ Noel accompany them to watch it again? Perhaps, sometimes, but the lack of credit really doesn't bother him that much.

Dave knows he is not the important part of that night's proceedings. 

He remembers seeing Julian for the first time. Thinking ' _God he's a bit weird 'in he?'_ and then immediately hopping to ' _Noel would love him'_ and the rest was history. 

In hindsight, weird was perhaps a bit of an understatement. 

In years to come, Dave will fondly call Julian a 'mental nightmare' but even then, when they could label each other as nothing more than new aquaitances, the man had been a bit... strange. His comedy was fast-paced and bizarre. Yet undercut with something a bit dark; he was what most would call surreal, a bit fantastical, and inherently unsure. Julian owned the stage he walked on but it felt a lot like he wasn't sure he even _wanted_ to own it. It meant Dave was able to find him funny, but he couldn't really pinpoint exactly what made him laugh about the gangly mans jokes.

Was it the absurdity? Or perhaps the relatability of his awkward character. 

The night Noel came with them, and subsequently clapped eyes on his comedic other half for the first time, the set was a little rough. Theirs table were the only ones really laughing. Not unusual when you consider that the rest of the crowd was populated by the usual types you get in High Wycombe--meaning laddish types--builders, rugby players, the working class that Julian's accent suggests he is born from but no longer identifies with. 

Noel casts him a look halfway through and Dave nods back. None of them get it, they think, these normals can't possibly understand the humour of it all. These lads are the kind of people that are guaranteed to giggle at a dick joke, but the second 'super-sonic comedy' comes at them they're all a bit lost. 

And look, Dave's not afraid to admit that on some level a lot of it probably isn't clicking with him on the same level it clearly clicked with Noel, but he had known it was funny. He's able to appreciate that whether he can assign meaning or comprehension to what was being laid out there didn't matter. What mattered was watching a bloke joke about puking lava lamps and making art in the air with his expelled smoke--is funny. 

And Noel's face... 

It was a little bit like when toddlers start to fully understand things people are saying to them. When you see true comprehension in their innocent eyes and know that after all this time of them soaking up the information they're _finally_ becoming able to make sense of the world. It's childlike wonder undercut with such a powerful sense of appreciation. Like he's finally found the place he belongs. Dave didn't need to see them interact to already know that he had. 

They are electric together.

The first time they meet, and Dave honestly thinks he will never again witness something as life changing as that, they just click. It's like two pieces slotting together. World's colliding. Any other cliché you'd like to apply, about two halves becoming whole, it works. 

At first he'd worried they'd cancel each other out both in conversation and in a professional capacity. _Noel_ is worried that they'll cancel each other out. It's like weird squared the way they go on with one another, enough that Dave had stuck around long enough to make sure Julian wasn't a complete freak about to murder his slightly naïve best mate and then he'd left them to it for a while. The two of them chatting is honestly like being transported to a whole other dimension. 

And Noel had been smitten from the get go. 

Now, at the time, Dave had a lot of thoughts about the blossoming relationship between Fielding and Barratt. There's a chance he was slightly biased, because he at that point lived with Noel, they studied together, they were friends and classmates and generally spent a lot of time in one another's company. So perhaps, despite being the same age, he had found himself a tad concerned about Noel's instantaneous infatuation with the older man. 

Because Noel had been (and likely always will be) a pleaser. He is unintentionally malleable in the right circumstances. He's putty for the attention, and when he latches on to a person he can be relentless in attempting to catch their recognition. That was also what gave him the confidence to be who he was--meaning outlandish and quirky, and definitely charming--because he knew that who he was would turn heads. It was almost certainly the reason why he'd plonked himself beside Dave, without really knowing who he was, and just introduced himself. The exact same reason why he'd taken an interest in comedy.

Noel isn't necessarily self-centred, far from it, he likes making other people happy, but if he happens to get a little bit of praise and notice from what he's doing then it's a win-win in Fielding's books. 

Don't get him wrong, Noel was independent and headstrong, but he was weak enough in some very specific places that Dave feels a little like a protective brother sometimes. 

When Julian enters the picture Dave can see the way Noel lights up like a Christmas tree. He worries that Julian's darker, brooding aura could overtake Noel's lighter-hearted personality if it wanted to. It would swallow him whole if they weren't careful. At that point he hadn't even spoken to the man properly, just heard him do stand up, and even that feels slightly more jagged than what Noel can do. 

But Noel is an adult. 

So Dave watches on as a friendship develops, further from that a kind of deep affection and respect that he could only dream of finding with someone. He plays witness to the birth of Boosh, and eventually, will play as a member of it. He never quite loses that protective streak for Noel, but he perhaps develops one for Julian too. Because despite seeing him as a threat when he'd first careened into their lives, Dave is man enough to admit that the side you see to a person isn't always exactly what they're like. 

He comes to see Julian as a man much softer than his public persona would have anyone believe. He also sees that Noel is a lot less vulnerable to the world when his comedic other-half is at his side. Mostly though, he sees all the risks these two men take personally by working together. Not just professional risks, Julian had always been one to worry about whether the Boosh would be taken seriously, whether they should sack it all in and just go straight as actors (Lucky Break had very much been a trial run for him on whether that would make him as happy), or the personal risks that come with sharing something so unique with someone and then trying to put it all on stage or television and stay sane in the process. 

Dave had acted as peacemaker to enough of their petty disagreements to know that Noel's 'two fights' line he gave interviewers was complete bullshit, but also to know both of them were driven by the intense fear of not having one another in their lives. 

And really if the absurdity of what they're trying to create isn't already raising the stakes of their success _quite a lot_ , then the way they chose to present their partnership certainly does. More than once Dave had been the voice of reason asking where exactly they think the line lays between a joke and outright claiming something about their relationship with each other. 

It's a lot, this thing Noel and Julian share, but Dave can understand why they go through it. Because the things these two people can create together is worth any risks they take by continuing to associate. 

What Dave sees is a pair of idiots. Idiots that would be lost without each other, but most definitely still idiots. 

**Mike **

Mike hears about Julian startlingly often before he meets him. 

Ridiculously often. 

It's a joke they all like to bat around during Q&A's but he _is_ barely out of school when Noel starts mentioning this hilarious comedian he's going to write shows with. Before he has been brought in to play a character, Mike is still very much _involved_ because that's his big brother constantly yammering down the phone line to him about how genius their new script is or what character ideas they're thinking of using for a stage show. 

What's slightly more fascinating than any show Noel could write, at least from Mike's point of view, is that he is spending an increasing amount of time in this other man's company. From what Noel is saying it's becoming a frequent occurrence for him to spend nights at his place too. 

Naturally at the grand point of life Mike finds himself in when this development occurs--meaning his teenage years--what he _assumes_ is that his brother is coming to terms with some very personal things about himself. If you ask him it's a rather convoluted way of doing so, but when someone rings you up multiple times a week and all they talk about is _'spent the night there'_ and _'Julian said the funniest thing'_ forgive him if he can't help but draw conclusions of a certain nature from that. 

And look, the last person on the planet who would judge him for whatever he's coming to terms with would be Mike; but he had initially just wished if Noel was going to date someone, he’d come out and say it rather than put on airs of a comedic partnership. 

Then he actually meets Julian. 

The night itself if a bit lacklustre, it's a gig where they’re going to try out some new material and Mike finally feels like he is ready to see whatever his brother is getting up to. He's also finally is old enough to be granted access to the run down little pubs they call their venues as long as Noel acts as his adult supervision for the night, which is as annoying as it is necessary. 

It had been... interesting. 

Let it be known that Mike has never once doubted his older brother, not once. But when he had been hearing about this show over the phone, and even listening to his parents (who would frequently go and see Noel's stand-up from the moment he'd started doing it) he had always been worried that he might not enjoy whatever this thing was that the two men were creating. Because the thing is, as much as older brothers are supposed to be a little bit annoying and sometimes you don't get along--Mike had always found Noel to be one of the funniest people he knew. 

Was he worried adding someone else into the equation would dampen what he had? A little bit. 

Thankfully it didn't. Mike's first experience of Noel and Julian performing together is that Julian has taken Noel's already funny nature and amplified it. In their short show, Mike sees how they riff off of one another like people who have been writing together for years. He sees them as one mind in two rather ditsy bodies. He sees that they're not so much playing characters as they are showing little pieces of themselves to the world in manageable chunks, safely bubble-wrapped in humour. 

And after they are done, Noel bounds off stage to ask him what he thinks and he can honestly tell him he enjoyed it, but delivers the deadpan criticism that it would be much better if he was in it. 

Julian he can see hovering some ways behind Noel, pretending to be fiddling with the potted plants they use for their set pieces. Though, the way he tilts his head indicates he is listening to every word the two brothers exchange. 

He does not come over to say hello.

Not right away, at least. 

It's perhaps an hour or so later, a few of the boys other friends have hung around, as well as the other people in the show that Mike has now become acquianted with, and the lot of them are taking the well earned opportunity to make merry. Mike is quite happy to watch how their already performative personalities get amplified the more alcohol they consume, and easily sips on a glass of water. Luckily for him, Noel isn't drinking right now either--he's not been too well as of late--and so he has sober company in amongst the chaos that he's thankful for.

It's late when Julian slinks over, he is just a little bit drunk. 

He's also not at all what Mike had expected him to be based off of Noel's gushing phone conversations and his performance persona. Julian is pretty chatty (probably the alcohol) and excitable; not all like the moody Howard Moon or the 'awkward northern sod' Noel so affectionately gripes about. The large man immediately dubs him _‘mini Fielding’_ and tosses an arm over his shoulder like he’s welcoming him as a member of the family. Ironic really, given Mike feels that's exactly what he should be doing to _him._

From across the small bar Mike catches Noel's eye, who watches their interaction like a proud parent finally seeing their squabbling children get along. 

Despite there being very little for them to talk about in those beginning weeks (Julian is literally fourteen years older than him which makes initial interaction much harder for them both) they seem to get by just find with Noel acting as their common denominator. And it's through this link that Mike begins to form brand new assumptions about Noel and by extension, Julian. 

For instance, it becomes quite clear to him that Noel has no idea the power he holds over Julian Barratt. And if he does, then he does a fantastic job of acting like he doesn't. 

Mike doesn't know for sure which version of events would be more concerning for the puppy-dog-eyed Julian, who watched Noel flit and flirt about at every social event with the air of a man who wants so badly to join in but just can't bring himself to.

Seeing the dynamic in this light; its perhaps a little obvious that Julian is wholly infatuated, and the sad fact is Mike can't see if it's as reciprocated as he first thought. Noel adores Julian, there's no questioning that, but perhaps not in the same way Julian adores Noel. And the kicker is that Mike has to wonder if it is kinder for Noel to be oblivious about it all. At least then he wouldn't be actively aware of how the northern man aches for him and so brutally ignoring it anyway. No, if he was oblivious then any hurt was happening by omission. Not intention. 

Eventually the way he sees the relationship will evolve, as it is wont to do as the people in it grown and change, he will see Julian's infatuation turn into the stubborn acceptance of a man who perhaps needed to be careful what he wished for. He sees Noel's apparent disinterest and non-reciprocation morph into something that can only be described as venomous adoration. 

He sees people who will sit shoulder to shoulder even if they're having a spat. Two men who will never dismiss one another's ideas as too strange or unusable. Frankly, he sees something he will never truly understand, because even being family, he will never be as close to Noel as Julian is, and therefore, knows no one will ever understand these people like they understood each other. 

What Mike sees in them is love. Painful, but worthwhile, love. 

**Rich**

Unlike most people in their lives, Rich met Julian first. 

Unnatural Acts brought them together, and they were, in some ways, drawn to one another immediately. Being two of the writers on the show meant they at once figured out that their sense of humour aligned enough for a good rapport, and from there it was a gentle build into something like camaraderie. It had to be gentle ith Julian, despite the fact nothing about Rich himself could be described as such, because as he comes to find out the man is a little skittish in certain places. Funny, but shy about his work. 

The first few days in the writers room consisted of Rich providing verbal confirmation that what Julian was putting on paper _was_ hilarious; he seemed to lack a bit of confidence. 

He understands why shortly after, because Julian's confidence arrives on set bright-eyed and bushy tailed dressed in flares and cowboy boots. 

And where it had been a gentle build with Julian, the connection he has with Noel is instantaneous. One polystyrene cup and they're suddenly agreed that they must work together. It doesn't matter on what, but they have to. 

If that hadn't convinced him then seeing them interacting the first time would have been the selling point for him; Julian's name might have been on the credits as a writer but you could guarantee any sketch involving the (soon to be known as) Boosh boys together was a joint effort. Rich had never met people who could generate so much material in such a short space of time. He knows why Julian had been hesitant before Noel arrived, as well, because no matter where you were in relation to the pair you could almost always hear the younger man's cries of 'Julian that genius!' or simply the sound of his highly infectious laughter in response to whatever the northern man had said. 

Watching them create is the kind of thing that most people would feel honoured to witness he imagines; given that whenever they are due to film a zookeeper sketch most of the crew stop what they're doing and gather to watch it happen. The funniest part to Rich is that he rarely ever sees hard copies of the scripts for these scenes--he's not sure anyone has--because that's not how they work. A lot of day's they'll have a vague idea of a beginning and end and then the rest of the time they're making it up. 

Just babbling nonsense at each other. Hilarious nonsense. But nonsense. 

Rich is about ready to ask what they're going to be doing after this show wraps because whatever it is he wants a part in it... but they approach him first. 

Now, it's never happened to him, so he can't be certain, but it _feels_ a lot like how being propositioned for a threesome might feel. But a comedy one. Like Julian and his wife want Rich to help them spice up their comedy life or something, and it has everything to do with _how_ they ask him. 

It was after a read through, some days after the cup incident and with plenty of time for names to be exchanged and hands shaken. All parties are suitably introduced and comfortable with one another. They approach him together after everyone else has filtered out of the room, so in sync that he's fairly sure their strides are mirrored, and for once it's Noel that looks anxious. 

His hair wasn't long then, he couldn't tug on it like he comes to in the future. But he had been twisting fingers in the hem of his shirt, channelling his nervous energy there while his mouth went on a mile a minute verbal outpour of information. He chatters and titters, does his best to explain this thing they want to make and they're hoping to take it to Fringe and does Rich want to be involved they think they have a good slot for him--and Julian had placed a solid hand to the base of Noel's spine like it belonged there and in an instant the younger man calmed. 

Julian managed to articulate their intentions a little better. 

And of course he said yes, he would have been stupid not to. But he couldn't help but be a little pensive over some of the things he'd seen from this odd pair. 

Julian's touch acting as a sedative for Noel's excitable behaviour for one. Or Noel acting as the walking manifestation of Julian's self-confidence, and thus, being the glue that holds most of his relationships together. Because the more time Noel spends around them, the faster Rich and Julian's interaction increases. Some might say, that Noel's personable nature rubs off on him whenever he's in close proximity. Likewise, when alone with Noel, Rich has found himself on some of the most intense flights of fancy he has ever known, which he loves, but comes to notice that Barratt is often the one providing the calmer side to his other-half's bubbly nature. 

How he sees it is that Noel is the mouthpiece, and Julian is the stability. But they're both the creators behind the magic. 

And perhaps, as time goes on, he realises that there’s less black and white nature to the partnership than he originally assumed.

When things take a more professional turn and they stop doing gigs in pubs and instead move to radio, when they trade in potted plants for professionally made sets, Rich will see that Noel is definitely the more personable of the pair, he is certainly not the sole mouthpiece. Julian is a dab hand at negotiation when he needs to be, and Rich witnesses more than one meeting in which the oldest Boosh member has defended their creation with little no to back-up needed from any of the others. He comes to understand that Julian being the 'dependable' one (wise Noel called him once) also means that he has a slight tendency to be incredibly volatile when the mood strikes him. And it could be any mood really. Rich has seen him laugh himself to tears almost as often as he's seen him stare blankly at an empty notebook in defeat or well up and hug Noel to his chest after a brief spat. He sees how there's rarely anything that can calm Julian's darkest moods than the perky smile of his comedic soulmate. 

What Rich sees, though, if he had to some it up, was two people trying desperately to be the parts that the other is missing. Whether this is out of a genuine need to support one another, or simply to ensure that they'll always be _needed_ he doesn't know. But what he thinks is, it's both. 

**Julia**

Contrary to popular belief, Julian is capable of working a room when he wants to. That’s exactly why Julia is drawn to him in the first place.

The first time Julia hears of them it's through friends; they ask her if she has heard of these two boys that are up and coming in the comedy world. Of course, until that point, she hadn't. A little embarrassing really, she was already making a name for herself in comedy, she should know a thing or two about people she might end up working with in the future. Regardless the messengers that deliver news of the Boosh to her describe it as the kind of thing she'd enjoy, 'they're as funny as they are weird' people had said. 

Naturally, it piques her interest, a comment like that. Julia knew a thing or two about the world of surrealist comedy, it's how she made a living, and her first terrifying thought is that perhaps upon seeing their material she is about to come face to face with competition. 

She’s wrong. 

The second she claps eyes on the pair she knows there is no chance they will ever go head to head on their chosen playing field. Julia likes the dark and twisted, whatever these boys have made together is full of joy and hope. It might not look like that to most, but she sees it. 

She sees it in how off stage Noel is a tad more reserved than his performance might make people think, because he is pouring all his energy into making Vince the ray of sunshine he needs to be for the equation of humour to work out correctly. The shift in demeanour is something you would likely only notice with the trained eye, but his smiles are less overt confidence and more humble shyness.

She sees how Julian is as awkward and gangly as he is on stage but when he shucks the invisible layers of a character there is a hidden firmness to his actions that lead her to believe he isn't quite as hapless in social situations as he'd let other believe. Not only has she seen their show, but she's read interviews too (you do what you have to to learn your peers in this business) and she thinks Mr Barratt might actually be better at conducting himself in any situation he finds himself in; she instead thinks he's a tad more calculating about when he chooses to assert his own control. 

That first night after one of their gigs is a strong indication of that. Noel of course, bounces around the small after-party that has gathered, Julia is hanging around the edges of the room with some mutual friends who have promised her an introduction, and she sees the younger of the dup thrive in the attention of his companions. Even Julian seems to, the pair of them receiving praise and well wishes like a child might receive sweets. Graciously, but with a greedy hunger. But there's a sharpness to Barratt's eye that is lacking in Noel's. It's akin to that of someone assessing the room for a threat. 

Like he's just waiting for someone to tell him how terrible it all was--the desperate lack of self-confidence is almost heart-breaking--but he makes it through each interaction with a polite smile and some easy jokes to keep the crowds laughing. 

Noel on the other hand, is a lot more open in his worries. She needn't have spoken to him to know, she hears snatches of conversation as he passes by, quiet childlike queries of _'did you think it was okay?'_ and _'God we really fucked up that bit, couldn't remember whose line it was'._

It's interesting. To see them tackling the exact same problem--their fear of failure--but handling it in two very different ways. 

It's a trend that continues throughout and the general consensus is that Noel is definitely has a timidness to his character, much like Julian, but he embraces it openly and is not afraid to tell those around him when he's feeling a bit worried or which particular parts of the show he got anxious over. While Julian tries to supress all of that so much that it loops back on itself and comes across as stone cold confidence. 

On more than one occasion Julia catches sight of him stalking through a crowd like a predator, cutting glances over the other party goers as if weighing up their worth to him. She thinks with a look like that he could have his pick of anyone in the room; there's already a fair few people--from all walks of life too--who look about ready to offer themselves up like sacrifices if he'd just say the word. 

Though none of them are what he's looking for, not really. Julia is of the impression Julian doesn’t actually _want_ anyone but the bubbly chatterbox usually fused to his side. But he is all the way on the other side of the room giggling into a glass of champagne and pining equally as much but unable to catch his friends gaze. Which is the problem really, in both a literal and metaphorical sense, these two men seem to keep looking past each other. 

The furtive looks Noel sends to Julian almost every six minutes exactly are never noticed because Julian is much too busy trying to stumble his way through interaction without Noel at his side to support him. Which means that when Julian is freed up enough to try and make his way to Noel's side, the younger man is flitting off to a different cluster of people with the intention of keeping himself as busy as Julian appears to be. 

It's a vicious cycle of miscommunication and she'd be willing to bet her career it's a pattern that repeats in many other aspects of their lives too. 

But what it does mean, is that Julian is desperate for some decent conversation, and when that laser sharp focus lands on her... Well, she would be a fool not to pay attention.

Later, as she becomes privy to more of the life of the Boosh boys. As she spends evenings, nights, and mornings after, in Julian's company and therefore by extension Noel's, she learns that the timidness she sees in the younger man (and finds quite endearing to be honest) does not negate him from being _fiercely_ jealous over Julian's time. She sees something in Julian, the predator from that first night, and she learns it has no interest in much else but laying claim over Noel Fielding. 

She witnesses two hopeless men who are so consumed by each other, but adhere to a dangerous pattern of sharing a problem but choosing two very different paths to walk down in order to cope. Two paths that while pass each other, are most likely destined to never cross. 

In her years by Julian's side she finds herself suddenly a piece in a rather complicated game of chess. She's a queen who doesn't know whether it is best to protect her king from the oncoming moves of a rook or whether it would simply be best to let Noel own Julian like he so clearly desires to do and leave them both to it. 

Because the thing is; she wouldn't mind. 

Julia has never looked at Noel and considered him competition, not in terms of comedy and not in terms of Julian. Because what Noel and herself can offer are two very different things, and that's _fine._ It really is. Noel understands Julian on a level Julia never will, but that's okay, because in some aspects, the same applies in Julia and Julian's relationship. She loves him in ways she isn't sure Noel can, or wants to, and that is what scares her. 

Because the large majority of what she sees is how Julian copes with the person Noel becomes. 

And even as she knows these are two grown men more than capable of making their own choices--good or bad--she finds that her need to protect the side of Julian _she_ sees greatly outweighs any desire she has for giving in to the wants of a Noel she _doesn't_ see. 

The Julian she sees holds their children like they're made of paper and the wind will carry them away any second; delicately in case he crumples them in his broad palms, but tight to his chest so not a thing in the world can get close. The same man that has a fondness for playing with her hair and brings her tea when she's been locked in her study trying to force words onto a page for hours on end with no success. 

Julia sees two men who want each other in their lives, but aren't really very good at coping with how they _need_ each other. 

**Birdy**

Birdy knows she joined the equation late. But she isn’t the kind of person who remains oblivious to the world around her regardless of how involved she is with it. 

It was hard not to be aware of the Boosh during those years. It was the thing everyone was talking about, and despite it being described as a cult hit it took over the mainstream pretty quickly and became the kind of show that was commissioned for replays much earlier than it's original air time. For all intents and purposes what the Boosh boys did was revolutionary; they had taken being a comedian and imbued it with all the perks of being a Rockstar; and when she finally met them in person, she can understand how they’ve managed it. 

Together they have _everything_. 

Noel has a kind of star quality that comes along once in a lifetime. A natural ease with a crowd, a charming smile, an energy and passion for life that many only dream of. And Julian has the dark brooding thing a lot of people go for, the biting wit, the hidden gentle side to him that makes the people around him ache to get close even if they might get stung in the process.

Couple that with their natural talent? Their humour, their background as musicians. It's no wonder a large portion of their audience are also helplessly in love with them. 

It's no wonder they found such love for each other. Which by the way, is plain as day to almost everyone, she's fairly sure. 

When Lliana is first inducted into the Boosh, she sees a lot. There's no real chance to catch Julian during the brief day she's on set to film with them, but Noel makes a point to come and see her when she arrives and then, like the eager flirt he is, catches her just before she leaves as well. They talk about the show and plans for later in the week. He's having a do, which he almost always is these days, and of course Lliana will make every effort to be there. 

And despite his giddy chatter, she can see how stressed Noel is underneath all of that glitter. Without even chatting to Julian she can see how tired he is, mostly because in between each take his shoulders are slumping down and Noel's small hands find their way to rub soothingly in between his shoulder blades. There's a few curse words tossed around set that day, not in a malicious way, but there's a lot of crimping to be done and from what she understands a lot of them were written in about ten minutes and they perhaps don't know them as well as they should. 

So they keep singing termites instead of dust-mites and then flubbing the lines they are getting correct. It's a little bit of a nightmare for the pair of them, but at least, in among all of that, Noel still seems to be able to reach out and grasp at Julian's forearm as he giggles at him and similarly, Julian will bump his hand to Noel's hip and they'll both know that despite moments of frustration--they're fine. 

This is, from what she sees of their relationship in those years, how the have come to operate. They're very practiced at providing reassurance in amongst all of the frustration they still had each other... because truthfully she sees a lot of frustration. 

Not only that, Birdy is unfortunately poised in the perfect position that what she sees is their entire world collapse around them.

She sees Julian draw away from the world he helped build and shut himself away in the one where he can forge a family. She is an unwilling witness to the phase Noel suffers through, the late nights and the parties that never seem to stop. The days and weeks between any kind of correspondence from either of them. 

But it only affects her opinions of them a little bit. 

Because even amongst the brief period of what she understands as the worst in either of their professional, and quite possibly their personal, lives--she has seen enough of these men to know they are many things to one another in the heat of an argument. They can be petty, childish, short-sighted, and honestly sometimes a bit mean. But she has never seen a _cruel_ streak in either of them. 

Not once. 

One day she knows they will find their path back to each other again, she is certain of that. Because from the day she'd met them as a duo she understood there were things that Julian can offer Noel that he cannot get anywhere else. She knows this by the way he will cut glances at his phone in those first few days after their agreed seperation in the hopes of getting a text, or better yet a call. Some days, when Noel begins to pick himself back up and channels himself into work (be it art or more writing) she will see the marks Julian left on his very soul.

Sees how whether he knows it or not Noel is still trying to emulate the man he believes built him out of scraps.

Noel will paint characters with small eyes and write stories about gruff grumpy characters. He'll sketch musicians but lean towards the ones he and Julian had a shared interest in. He will hum songs from artists that definitely aren't present in his own personal library, so must come from a distinctly more northern source. Further from that, when she reads drafts of his scripts she will see characters 'coming at' other characters. Will understand that when Noel creates he literally pours pieces onto the page and spreads it about so it should not shock her at all that she sees duos forming in his work that may be a little more auto-biographical than he first intends. 

She doesn't see much of Julian these days, but she doesn't really have to. Because when the communication trickles back in, she is there to witness how Noel reacts and that is more than enough information for her to be going on with. 

Lliana sees Noel and Julian as children, best friends, who haven't seen each other in a very long time and are struggling to remember how they once were and find their way back to an easy friendship.

But what she also sees, is hope. 

**Them**

A lot of people make a lot of assumptions about Noel and Julian. 

It’s not unnatural, they’re two men in the public eye who mange to say simultaneously _a lot_ and _very little_ about themselves. They’re enigmas, obvious ones, but enigmas nonetheless. 

No matter how they conduct themselves, they are seen in a lot of lights by a fair amount of people. Some of those lights are spotlights; all encompassing and obvious. In which people tend to draw a conclusion from every little movement they make. Some are candlelight's; they're intimate, the kind of view only a friend or family member might get. And some are nothing more than the glancing shine off of a mirror ball; brief, the assumptions one might make without bothering to know much about them at all. The kind people make when they pass them on the street or glance at their faces in a magazine.

Point is, a lot of people jump to a lot of conclusions about Noel and Julian. 

And worst of all, some of them might just be correct in their assumptions. 

The people that assume Noel is a clingy friend would be correct. There is rarely a day that goes by when he isn't climbing into somebody's lap or laying his head on a free shoulder. He likes to hold hands. He really likes a cuddle. If physical affection was on the table Noel is scooping it up willingly like a starved man at an all you eat buffet. He loves it. So yes, any assumption about his desire for touch would be correct. 

Those that see Julian and imagine he is a tad more likely to use petty argument tactics would also be correct. Julian isn't as 'emotional' as Noel but that's because he likes to put on airs of stoicism if he can. But when he does succumb to the pressure of whatever stressor or emotionally driven situation; then he could get mean with it. Noel might be the one to yell but Julian was the one who mutter comments under his breath and resorted to tactics like the silent treatment. 

Many would be right on the money to assume that the pair of them are vastly more co-dependent that is strictly healthy for them. That this co-dependency was as strengthening as it was dangerous for them both, especially as their self-built world folded under it's own pressure and as a result imploded like a dying star. With a bright flash and then... silence. 

But there are things no one can hope to know by looking from the outside in. 

Like the fact that, even though his characters might tell you otherwise, Julian is about as open for affection as Noel is. That he will thoughtlessly drop his hand to Noel’s back when they stand close. In clubs and parties he'd have no qualms tucking an arm around Noel's waist and tucking him to his side. On more than one occasion if Fielding was in the right mood to climb him like a baby monkey then he'd tuck hands beneath his thighs and carry him around on his back. During late night writing session it would be common to catch them, Noel in Julian's lap and the larger man with his nose tucked into his hair. 

No one would ever be able to tell from seeing them perform together that Noel swings from confidence to insecurity faster than a hairpin trigger; with very little pressure firing apart in all directions and the resulting fallout affecting anyone within a ten foot radius. And the only person who can coax him from a dull mood is his tall northern partner. 

They wouldn’t know that despite Noel being the more expressive one, the loud one, the emotional one, Julian would be the one to slide up to Noel's side after they had fought with tears in his eyes and apologies on his tongue. No one would know that there had been more than one teary exchange. That the pair of them tired, stressed, wrung out from giving everything they have and _more_ to the world, they would sag in each other's arms on the floor of a hotel bathroom or squeezed together in the bunk of a tour bus and just sniffle. It very rarely progressed to full sobs, but there would be a lingering dampness to both of their shirts once they pried apart. 

The world might see their pain; how they drift apart, how they bleed themselves out onto the page for the sake of a crowd they adore but cannot seem to give _enough_ to. But the world interprets it like the end. They see a curtain call. A final bow. What they don’t see is how Julian hugs Noel as he tells him he needs a break and how Noel, ashamed of admitting it, nods his head and agrees perhaps he does too.

No one but the two pf them will comprehend that it wasn't a goodbye but a see you again soon, and that Noel for weeks and months after would continue to text every other day with pictures of a new painting--even if sometimes he wouldn't hear back for a week or so because Julian was busy learning how to be a real father. And as children grow and new babies are welcomed into the world, only Noel and Julian know how _excited_ their other half is for them. How every time both of them are there, ready with congratulations and offers of good natured advice. 

No one sees, as months and years go by, the one text out of every ten or twenty; the constant hope that one day they will get back to the show that they made. That made them. 

People see a lot of sides to Noel and Julian, but only they know exactly how they are. 

**Author's Note:**

> As always I can be found on tumblr:
> 
> @queen-boo / @anciientboosh


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